I wish

I wish I knew famous people that would help me along here. To help me get the word out...sometimes just having one write a special message on a kids social media page. It's amazing how these singers and actors can influence our kids.
I wish I could be writing a blog about bullying finally coming to an end! More than anything I wish I could have had my hand there for each and every hurting child right before taking their precious lives. I wish I could have walked around school with them for the last few weeks leading up to their decision.
I wish more parents knew about this growing issue. That their kids are not exempt. Any child, including the ones that seem to have things together and going for them. None and I repeat NONE are safe from this ongoing problem.
If I knew the best way to get through to both the bullied and bullies, there would be nothing that could stop me from doing it. I spend a lot of time and energy trying to find answers...but it's actions that I live for. I have to reach further. I really feel it's my purpose in life and have never felt stronger about something in my life.

I keep praying for the Lord to lead me in the direction needed to really make a difference. I can and will continue reaching out to those I know and see needing an ear to listen. I will also continue talking to as many parents as possible about this and leading both child and/or parents in the right direction, no matter if it's not always the right place and time. I will continue to "creep" as many kids as possible and call for help if I feel it's needed. In my opinion there is no "good" time to talk about bullying and/or suicide. I feel like I'm a mother to so many kids here. I love knowing that I can be there for kids that are having problems. But I still need to do more! It's breaking me...I NEED to change this world! I NEED everyone's help! We cannot keep loosing these kids to this...such a permanent  choice should be shared and talked about with someone that loves them and for whatever reason, these kids are not feeling that seeking help is an option. We need to figure out why! There really is no more time to waste.

I wish...

Adult bullies?

As I wait in the lobby of my daughters therapy appointment, I over~hear a couple of parents talking...loudly. I'm not at all complaining that these two are having a somewhat loud discussion. Nope, not at all...however, I had an issue with what they were talking about.

As it stands I'm avid in the ANTI~bullying world . I have done many things to get where I've gotten and I will NOT stop fighting for our children! We have young souls choosing to take their lives for crying out loud. I mean that literally...for CRYING OUT LOUD! This cannot keep happening! It saddens me to know there are that many children out there that feel (or FELT) they either can't (COULDN'T) reach out or are not (WERE NOT) being heard!!! We have to know and believe that these children that follow through with a suicide have been hurting for some amount of time. It isn't usually a choice made lightly and in one night.
It really does make me feel so desperate and like we don't even have time.

Back to the lobby. As I am texting online to a fellow advocate against bullying, I am shocked to hear two adults going through a list of names. Names of kids they say are all "drama" "ass~wipes" and just "idiots". Now, little did they know I am the proud owner of a Facebook page called Hudsonantibullyinggroup. That I am very against bullying! Their own son/step son was in with a therapist as well. And I am very aware of who their son/step son is because of the page I have opened. I too know that he struggles with bullying.
I tried so hard to just mind my own business but seeing as I'm truly passionate about this issue, it would have been wrong to bite my tongue.
I wasn't rude but I explained how sorry I was to intrude/interrupt but that I had to ask if they talk about other kids this way in front of their son/step son? Both ADULTS looked perplexed and before they could even reply I explained that I am in the process of making a very big and much more public bullying awareness group here in our town. I also explained I wasn't condemning them for how they were talking about these "ass~wipes and idiots". I told them I was concerned about whether or not I, as one person, was going to get through to these kids when the adults around them are doing the exact thing I'm fight AGAINST! Ohhh I know I shouldn't have went there with these people but I had to share WHY I was there in the first place. I shared with them that I am there waiting for my daughter's weekly therapy visit which is due to bullying. Her self~esteem and self~worth are completely depleted because of the way people have treated her. I gave them a tiny glimpse into what she has dealt with in the last few years. I also explained that I too have lived through a living hell and felt it was only right I confront the way they were talking about these children. Don't get me wrong...I know children can be horrible! I know first hand kids can be down right cruel. But I don't feel it's right as an adult to put the bullies down. Where are we going to get by doing that? Everyone has a story...a reason for doing what they do...whether it's that they too are being bullied, or  could it just be that these kids are seeing the adults around them talking and acting like bullies themselves?

Parents and adults need to be first and foremost here. They/we are responsible for these children.
Now, I don't know but I'm really starting to think we are screwed! Unless we start holding more parents accountable. If your child is sick, you bring them to a doctor. If your child is hungry, you bring them food. If your child is struggling, you invest yourself and time to comfort your child. You do NOT need a search warrant to invade your kids' privacy. They are kids...they need you to stick your nose in their business. They need you to check their Facebook accounts, etc. You are the adult and need to reach out in ways, even they might not understand right now but sooner or later will. We have got to be more apart of our kids' everyday lives! There is no way around it. We need all adults to stand up to this bullying issue. Only then will we make a difference! Anyone that sees someone being hurt emotionally, mentally, or physically, needs to STAND UP! Tell! Make it a BIG deal! And that's just what I did and will continue to do! These kids count on us. There is a reason kids are not "legal" until they are 18! We are responsible for teaching them right from wrong. If we fail to do so then we need to step up and do whatever it is that will change that!

As if my story wasn't enough...

Here I sit again...taking notes. As my daughter explains yet another physical altercation at school...I must stay calm. I have to question the thought process of kids these days. Why is it they feel it's ok to use their hands and/or objects to hurt another? I personally don't allow my 2 children to lay a hand on each other, let alone another student at school. Could it be that these kids bullying my daughter are seeing that there is little to no consequence for their actions? Could it be that  we just don't have many parents that are invested in their kids life enough to know there is a problem? Maybe our kids have way more power then us parents?
There are so many questions that need to be answered and I'm not going anywhere until I get them. I'm here for the long haul...No child should have to live in fear of others.

When a child is choked by another person, as my daughter was this year...That to me is intent to do major harm. Choking someone can seriously injure if not kill someone. In my opinion that is NOT acceptable and should be taken very seriously by the school as well as police. Now what do I do when I feel it wasn't taken serious enough!?!
 What about the boy that intentionally went up to the front of the class, sharpened his pencil, and went back to the table an stabbed my daughter in the leg? Even though he has done this to another student in the past, it was noted as an "accident". While my daughter has a mark in her leg to this day from the lead being embedded, it's yet another incident swept under the table.
 I could go on and on with the horrible mental and emotional aspects of her torment. And at some point I plan to do just that.


My son came home last year with a black eye and a cut between his eyes. We (my husband and I) are told by our son that he was attacked by 5 or 6 boys on the playground. Due to unfortunate events, we had to move, which led to my son having to switch schools in the middle of the year. So he was the "new" kid. Which is one of the excuses given as to why these students surrounded my son and beat him up. There were bruises on his legs and arms, as well as the injuries to his face. His glasses were bent up to boot. Now, it's one thing this happened to him, but a whole other story that I received no phone call from the school to share this with us. If the school staff did not have time to be there for my son the way he deserved, I would have appreciated a phone call so that I could be there for him.
A recess monitor was made aware of this situation and approached my son saying that he needed to get up and go inside the school. It didn't seem to matter to the lady that he was dizzy and didn't feel he could walk. Luckily there were 2 classmates of my sons that had enough sympathy to help him inside. Later on we found out that my son suffered from a slight concussion but sat through school the rest of the day with little to no regard to his injuries. When they did look more into what happened, they put my son in the same room as the main bully. I could go on and on here as far as how they messed up in this situation. Point is...I had to raise hell for them to understand the seriousness. They are aware how upset I am about what happened. They do not let anything go unnoticed with my son now. They are basically aware of how thin of a line they are on with me. Not meant as a threat so much as it is a demand for my sons safety.

As you can see our schools here in this community do not know how to handle bullying issues. Which is why I've been bringing awareness to bullying. It's an issue throughout that needs immediate attention! 

Here is a video my daughter made after seeing another kid reach out this way. She is worth the fight in my eyes. She is one reason why I wont give up until bullies are punished for their actions.

New Realm of bullying

What are we dealing with in this new realm of bullying? There seems to be a whole advanced version of this torment. I can say that a lot of the physical part of bullying seems less of an issue today than it was 15 years ago. Not that it isn't still there, cause it is. However, cyberbullying seems to be the BIG issue today and I would have to agree. The cyberbullying on Amanda Cummings memorial facebook page absolutely threw me for a whole new loop. I sat there for hours on end "fighting" for this page to be taken down due to the graphic pictures and comments from "trolls". I ended up starting a whole new memorial page for Amanda Cummings, one that I would monitor with all my heart, as if she were my own! I was appalled by the number of death threats I personally received from these "trolls" for making this page. I still randomly get a message but I'm in it to win it. Nobody is scaring me away from something I feel is right.
There were 2 others that I can remember sitting on that page with me as if we were sharing the weight of the world. Between the 3 of us, we didn't give up until they, whomever "they" were, took the page down completely. That was the biggest relief I have felt in a long long time. And let me tell you, as a mother of a teenage girl and a tween boy...that says a lot!

I'm trying to conform/transform my brain into what these bullies are thinking and doing. And to no avail...It would be one thing to wrap my mind around their motives but a whole different story to get my heart to agree with the actions that cause so much hurt to someone.
The one thing I am learning is that it's so much easier for people to say things through a computer or cell phone.
They are hidden behind a screen. They can't be held responsible for their actions when nobody even knows for sure who they are.
Well...what better way to make yourself feel better then to down~grade someone. Which is what bullies do... And to be able to do it "faceless" is beyond perfect! It really doesn't take much of anything to make up accounts for whatever social media sites on the web. Having 4 different Facebook pages  is not abnormal for kids these days. They can be someone else...they can talk without consequences. They can live a fantasy life all over the internet!

Looking back I don't know what I'd choose if I had a choice between being physically assaulted over and over vs. being threatened and harrassed online...but I do know that both should be taken seriously! I don't know, maybe I'm way off here. Either way, we all have to agree that it's uncalled for. If you threaten someones life, whether to their face or through email, it should be punished just the same.
Think of all the jobs it would create in this low economic situation we are in! We could be "killing 2 birds with one stone." Just like pedophiles out there on the Internet...lets find these bullies and hold them accountable. I personally believe that the Internet is a privilege and if it's used to harm people, even if it is "just emotionally/mentally" it's a privilege that needs to be taken away.
Just like those that drink and drive. Their licence is pulled for a certain amount of time...let's make it mean the same to those that are pushing our kids over the edge of life...Just a thought.

Digging deep

I have been trying to bring awareness to my world...as small as it may seem. I feel if I can touch one person, it's worth my time and effort. Bullying is an issue and always has been. However, I see it affecting us all in a totally different way these days. I totally understand all the pain that comes with being bullied...but cannot understand what we are dealing with.
Is it that "we" are all more sensitive to things or are things really that much harder than what are parents dealt with? As I look back at the pain I endured, I have to wonder, what really helped me through it. Was it the few people I had in my life that kept me going? Was it my inner strength that wouldn't allow me to give up? Those are some questions I am going to search for...and I encourage you to help me out or just follow for the heck of it.
Cheers to digging as deep...

My own personal story

I would like to share my story...

It was an exciting time but scary all the same. I didn't know what to expect. I was officially in the "High school" in this small town school. 7th grade. This was my 2nd year at this school. I had some friends and so on. The town I lived in was so small that we were bused to the next town for school. I had some friends in both small towns.

I grew up fast... And I seemed to gravitate towards the "older" crowd. They were more at my level emotionally and mentally. I also went through my change of life early so I fit in physically with the older crowd as well.

I also gravitated towards guys versus girls. Girls were in a different world than I wanted to be in. There was always drama! I could always deal with all different kinds of people though. It was pretty easy for me to conform myself to what others wanted or liked. I am still a lot like that today.

     Anyway, off to my 7th grade year. I had a few girl friends that I hung out with. I had sleep overs and all that good stuff. One night in the winter of my 7th grade year, everything was going normal. I was at Brenda's, my friends house for a sleep over. Her Mom, Dad, and brother were home. My friend and I performed a dance for her parents, that we rehearsed over and over. It was to the song, Baby got back. Yep, it was the one by Sir Mix A~lot! The dance was cute. Took a lot of work for us to come up with the moves throughout the whole song.

After the dance off that we did, we took it pretty easy. It was getting pretty late and we ended up sleeping in the living room.

The next morning, everyone was still laying low. It was Saturday anyway. I got up to go to the bathroom and on my way back from the bathroom, my friends brother, Brad, had called my name from his room. I was pretty close to the whole family so I walked in saying, "Yeah". Next thing I know the door was shut and he came up to me with no clothes on. And without going into detail, raped me. Even though I screamed for help, nobody seemed to hear me. I was in shock and so much discomfort that I called my mom to come get me. I just wanted to go home and curl up in bed. Which is what I did...

    I tried to remain "normal" and go on as usual when it came to my school life. I still talked to my friend Brenda but things did not feel the same. I ended up even dating a guy soon after this happened. Longer story shortened...My boyfriend and I were hanging out at a friends house and she lived close to the family I trusted and stayed at the night I was raped. As I was looking out the window and feeling horrible inside, my boyfriend came up beside me asking if I was ok. Obviously I couldn't hide the few tears that I didn't have time to wipe away. It was then that I decided to tell him a little bit about what happened. He talked to me that day and helped me feel better.

Before I new it, a couple days past. The next thing I knew I was being pulled into an counselors office and my mom was sitting there as well. I was confused...my counselor explained that my boyfriend, Travis, got in a fight with Brad, the guy that raped me. That they were there because Brad talked to his mom about what I told him. Needless to say, my mom and the school was informed. I was devastated. I didn't want to deal with this and just wanted things to disappear. However, this was just the beginning of the very worst year of my life...

It really was a small school and word got out quickly. It was by the next day, that everything and everyone changed. Let me explain a little about Brad. He was a "jock". He was a star player on the high school football team. He was very popular in school and in town.

     From this day on I was pushed around physically and mentally.

I was talked into pressing charges on him, "to save other girls from having to go through this." Little did I know that was the worst choice of my life. I now had to make it through a court proceeding as well as learn to live with being treated horribly.

    Not only did I have students from all grades attacking me physically...I had teachers and staff in on the tournament. I wont bother you with every detail but would like to give you a taste of what my life was like during this time.

First and foremost, my boyfriend wanted nothing more to do with me. As far as "friends" were concerned...I had a couple left. There wasn't a day that went by without being humiliated. I was called every name you can think of. "Slut, whore, bitch, piece of shit" to name a few. I was called these names out loud all day long. But when that wasn't enough for them, my locker became a chalk board of sorts. A group of students used bright lip stick to write "Slut, bitch, and whore" on my locker. They used chap stick to grease the combination part of my locker so that I couldn't open it. This was all done on a day that I stayed home from school. I was called by a girl from school and told about this. So in other words, there was MANY who seen it, including staff members in the school, but they left it up for me to deal with the next day.

   I was tripped down a set of stairs so many times that I can still picture the tile my nose has hit very vividly. I was called names when I would raise my hand in class but no teacher would acknowledge it. I even had one teacher that told me I needed to stay after class to talk about some problem I got wrong on my homework. When everyone left, I walked up to the teacher. He was sitting in a chair at his desk. As I look down at the work he supposedly wanted me to look at, he was playing with himself. When I looked away he told me in a stern voice..."LOOK DOWN HERE OR ELSE". I couldn't hold the tears in anymore, so I took off. I ran to the bathroom. I cried as hard as I could but knew I had more classes to get through. It was useless to "tell" on the teacher. It would be taken as serious as the times I begged for help when students were hurting me. They, the school, didn't care. Now it was just a matter of staying alive...staying strong...until I couldn't take it anymore.

     I have always been able to take a lot! I tried to ignore random boys coming up behind me and sticking their hands up my shirt to touch me. I tried to ignore the time I walked with the 2 last "friends" I thought I had. I followed them to an area I later found out, was planned. There were many people, including guys, at this spot where nobody could help me. While they all took turns pushing me, hitting me, calling me names. I finally got strong enough and just started running! I ran for my life literally. I honestly don't know how far they would have went if I would have just stayed there. I really did try and ignore being poked and scratched with sharpened pencils and the metal that holds notebooks together on the bus.

I could go on for quite some time...but the point is that it was my hell. It couldn't be anything less then hell. I was seriously beaten into the ground.

    My parents seen in me that I was done. I could no longer fight the fight. I was officially broken and not willing to go on anymore. Without going through all the legal mumbo jumbo...My parents hired lawyers and started fighting for a 6 figure win. At that point I was only concerned that NOBODY would have to endure that kind of treatment there at that school. We didn't get to finish out the lawsuit the way I would now love to take on...But we did hit them in the belt. They didn't get away with it but at the same time I don't know if it was enough to do what I hoped for. I cut all ties to that town and school. I was lucky enough to make it through that period of my life. Don't think I didn't think or even try to commit suicide. I did try and I did sit many nights planning an easy way to end my life. I remember so many nights that I wouldn't go to sleep without my lights on. I remember sleeping with my mom most nights. Luckily my dad worked nights. If he was home and I couldn't sleep with my mom, I would hold my pillow and sit next to their door...falling asleep sitting up.

I know what it's like to want to take all that pain and just kill it. Without really "dealing" with what I went through I ended up with the "Who cares" attitude.

   Don't get me wrong, things finally did settle once they removed me from this school. I was put through some home type schooling for a bit. And then was off to a new school in a different town. I was scared beyond words but I made it. I think the next year was as normal as I think I had in my school years.

Either way...I made it through my hell. I fought myself over and over. I did put myself in some bad situations after I lived through this hell. I had the "I just don't care anymore" attitude. I ended up in a relationship with a drug dealer for a year and a half. I skipped school, I helped make drug deals, etc. I ended up in a group home for troubled kids. I was put in a mental hospital. I really just didn't care anymore. I finally ended up braking things off with him so I could make a go at changing my life. Soon after our split, he was murdered. I have no doubt in my mind that I would have been with him and laying dead right beside him.

I am thankful that I had the Lord on my side with a whole different plan... He obviously had a different plan for my life because I am still here.

I would love to help make a difference in our bullying laws. I obviously have been touched personally in this area. Not to mention my own daughter, almost 13, has been dealing with a lot of bullying as well.

It really does break my heart that I can't do more by myself. If I could do it all alone...it wouldn't be an issue anymore. I know what it's like feeling empty and alone. I know what it's like being ignored and pushed aside.

I wouldn't want anyone to endure what I did. And I honestly mean NOBODY! Even those that were apart of it. I just want it to stop. I pray for a day that these kids can all be whoever they choose without being treated badly. I pray for acceptance...I pray for peace and love. I pray that I can help stop the hate. Even if we just start here in the community...it's a huge step. We only live once...

This where my poem Beyond bullying comes into play:

11 years old tryin to find her place...

So many girls jealous of her face...

Schools star football player has taken what he wants

Teachers and students begin with the taunts

Tripped down the stairs while they all smile

The bump to the head will heal in awhile.

Two "friends" walked her into a circle of pain

Barely walked away from there feeling the same.

Both boys and girls took a turn or 2

hitting and kicking until purple and blue.

Locker greased with chapstik galore

Books in sad hands dropped to the floor.

Stay after class cause he has something to share

"don't look away" as he touches himself there.

Lucky for her she stayed really strong

looking back today, so much could of went wrong.

Bully's all shapes, sizes, gender, and age

make it feel like you belong in a cage.

Parents question about all this rage and then blow

it off like its some sort of stage.

They all need to know it's worse today

weapons and guns have come into play.

We need to find peace and stand up for their rights

lets please put an end to all these bully's and fights.

~Sara

(My own personal experience of bullying)